My cat, Murphy, stole my book while we were relaxing on the couch one Sunday afternoon.
My cat, Murphy, stole my book while we were relaxing on the couch one Sunday afternoon.
Anyone who knows me at all knows that I love yoga. A lot.
I love the way the mat feels underneath my body in a child’s pose as my forehead presses against it while my hips begin to open and I start to breathe deeply. I love the way my feet feel on the mat as I find my mountain pose. I love the way it’s always there for me no matter what I’ve done or said that day. And most of all, I love that it helps me get quiet, peaceful and still in a way that nothing else in the world does.
Unfortunately, sometimes life gets in the way of my mat time. There’s that pesky thing called work, of course. Plus, I’ve started seeing a personal trainer so that I’m in tip-top shape for my upcoming wedding (only four months away now!), and as a result, I’ve been spending more time in the gym than in the yoga studio.
But I’ve started seeing a change in my practice that’s showing me it’s more about quality than quantity. I’m so excited each and every time I can attend a class, and I’ve been more present during my practices than I have been in quite a while. I’m eager to soak up each and every moment because they are fleeting and so, so needed.
I remember the first time I realized how much my asana practice was rocking my world.
It was shortly after I began practicing consistently. I think it was a Tuesday, and I’d had a long day at work and a long drive to the studio. After setting up my mat in the back of the room, I settled into a child’s pose and, before I realized what was happening, I had tears running down my cheeks — not because I was sad but because I was so grateful to be there.
I’ll never forget that moment.
Tears of gratitude are so beautiful, and they tell us so much. Those tears represent the words we couldn’t find, the thoughts we couldn’t express and the feelings we couldn’t contain.
So… It’s been more than a year since I wrote anything here.
I’ve returned because I have been craving a creative outlet for my musings, and I finally realized that I’ve had one available all along — I just forgot about it.
It’s a quiet return, as I’m quite sure that no one else reads this and it won’t matter one little bit to anyone else. I’m more than okay with that; this is for me.
This morning, as I read over my posts from last year, so many memories and thoughts came flooding back — things and times and days that haven’t floated around in my mind in a long while. I want to document more of my life so that I don’t forget it.
So! Here’s what has been going on (the big things):
1. Chris proposed in September.
2. We bought a house at the beginning of November.
3. We are getting married in October of this year.
4. I am a yoga teacher.
5. I am a copy editor + proofreader + writer.
It’s been one hell of a ride so far — a beautiful, crazy, confusing and fantastic ride that I’m so grateful for.
The house we bought just feels like home. I know that sounds silly; of course it’s home! I live here! But it’s so warm, cozy and happy, and when I walk in the door, a wave of comfort washes over me.
And, somehow, I’ve managed to meet the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, and he feels the same way about me. I’m still wrapping my mind around that.
There’s so much more to say, but it’s getting late and my best writing hours are behind me.
I feel sure we’ll meet again soon.
It has come to my attention and awareness that I must stop thinking about what I’m going to do with my life, and instead, think about what I am going to do with it - the gift - today.
I’m a big planner; I always have been. Typically, I plan what I’m going to do today based on what I might want to do in three or five years.
I do see the necessity in planning somewhat for the future, to a point. But when it is all-consuming, it becomes a negative force and makes life far less pleasurable.
Could you get here? To this moment? Not anxious for the next act, not wishing right now would hurry on away?
To me, this means: sitting still sometimes, not just in savasana at the end of asana practice. Putting down my laptop. Listening to the cicadas. Ignoring my iPhone. Getting a little lost in right now.
In honor of Memorial Day and those who have fought for our freedom and continue to do so fearlessly:
May we continue to dream, while still living for today and, of course, being present.
I never understand why people expect others to be exactly like them.
Why people frown at my tattoo, explaining I’ll regret it when I’m old. Why people turn there nose up when they hear I love this wacky thing called “hot yoga,” saying it just sounds “crazy.”
While this stuff used to offend me, I’ve learned to laugh it off (sort of). I do find myself annoyed from time to time, but I have discovered that it’s not me; it’s them.
For some insane reason, people believe their friends, coworkers and random strangers should be just like they are. Same hobbies, beliefs, meal preferences, etc.
Of course, I am making a bit of a generalization - and, truthfully, sometimes I fall into this mess, too - so take me with a grain of salt.
However, I can firmly state that I believe God created each of us to be WILDLY different. I think He delights in just how unique we all are, and it pleases Him.
I guess now is as good a time as any to also state that I’m (clearly) a dreamer; one who wishes we could see one another in a more beautiful light, respecting each other simply because we exist and live and breathe.
But I know the only way things will change is if I change them for myself. So, go ahead, judge me.
I won’t judge you back, friend. You are incredibly beautiful and perfectly imperfect just as you are, and I love you.
Oh my goodness! This weekend is another yoga teacher training weekend, and I couldn’t be more excited.
Last night, we had asana practice and then learned about chakras. SO interesting! And so different from the things most Americans believe. I’m still trying to wrap my mind around it all, but that’s one of the things I love most about yoga… I’m always learning, growing and getting all wigged out.
That’s one of the addicting things about yoga, at least for me. I can’t figure it out; but, somehow it figures me out each and every time I come to my mat. And it calls to me off of my mat, asking me to breathe a little deeper, be a bit more kind and to please take care of myself.
And today, it’s filled me with tons of energy. Partially because I’m so excited, but also because I’ve heard a “rumor” that the teacher trainees may be actually leading classes (full of people!) this weekend. Oh, dear.
Whoever reads this… say a little prayer for me today, please. And tomorrow, in case that’s when I end up teaching. I’m so, so nervous!
On that note… I’m off to seize this beautiful day. :)
These are just a selection of photos from life lately. They were all taken with my iPhone, so I apologize for the less-than-stellar quality.
I’ve had so much fun this spring; spending time with friends and family, adventures with Chris, quiet nights on my terrace because it’s finally warm enough and, thank God, some time to just breathe.
A thought: I think people tend to forget how important it is to have some downtime. Time when you’re not going anywhere, you’re not expected to do anything and you’re allowed to just… be. Whatever that looks like to you, I hope you’ve had some recently.
Sometimes, the days drag on in a way that seems slow, sluggish and almost unbearable.
I wonder what I am doing, why I’m doing these things and when things might change.
I ask God, while sitting in traffic, “What am I supposed to be learning?”
And, “What are You doing?”
I’m pretty sure He hears me, laughs and goes about whatever it is He does up there.
I like to think that, one day, He and I will sit and chat and I will ask Him these questions and more. He will listen, and then smile and laugh. He will say, “My goodness, I created you to be so wonderfully inquisitive.”
I will also laugh, and continue to ask questions – because that’s what I do. Who I am.
He will delight in my ponderings and answer me, just like He has answered countless souls before mine.
He’ll hug me, enveloping me in the deepest, warmest love there ever was, and He will hold me. He’ll tell me I turned out exactly as He wished, that he enjoyed my journey and that my light was bright and powerful.
That I didn’t understand things when they were happening, and sometimes that was hard to watch. But He knew I’d figure it out eventually.
In case you’re wondering, my [beautiful] idea of Heaven comes from Donald Miller and Harper Lee. :)
Lately, I’ve been ready to have some FUN.
Approaching every evening with my love as special time that we are fortunate to share, seeing each yoga practice as a grand adventure and planning fabulous nights out with girlfriends…
It’s all been happening lately.
And it’s been great.
It doesn’t stop here, though. Next week, I’m taking Thursday and Friday off work and plan to relish a much-needed break.
In my opinion, we all need a break from time to time, and there is no shame in that. My time off will include yoga (duh), lazy time on the couch, shopping, visits to the park and tasty meals — all with people I love.
The plan is to enjoy this weekend (there’s some REALLY exciting stuff going on; will update later!) and also do some cleaning — it must be taken care of.